Yay, another foul-mouthed, racist, bitter Zanu PFer dead. I wish the rest of the party of geriatric old incontinent, out-of-touch thieves would die too. These bastards stole the election, they stole our country, they stole our future. The world will be a better place with our 'liberators' safely entombed in heroes acre where they can do no more harm to our country.
So to Joe - I can joyously say good riddance. Judging from this eloquent elegy in the telegraph, you have a lot of sins to pay for... You should be ashamed that heroes acre will probably have to be re-branded 'villain's acre' by the next generation responsible for fixing the almighty mess you left us. To the rest of ZANU, my message is shut up and die already!
VILLAIN RATING: 3 TURDS
Villain: Joseph Msika
Villain: Gideon Gono
OK so this former tea-boy (Chai Wallah) has his own rags to riches story. Basically he made himself rich by stealing the reserve bank of Zimbabwe and dishing out the proceeds to his friends!
This is how it works. You have $10 dollars in your pocket. Gono prints $10 dollars without any goods and services to back it up. That means that Gono just stole $5 from your pocket-even though the note stayed there and retained its face value! Between 2006 and 2008, Gono repeated this trick 20,000,000 times!
He printed the currency out of existence and pocketed the proceeds. What is more amazing is how this crook isn't in jail. What he effectively did was break into every man woman and child's home and bank accounts and stole 99.9999999% of all their money! If that isn't the definition of a criminal I don't know what is.
For that my friends, Gono earns himself 5 really smelly terds... and hopefully life in jail once Biti is through with him!
VILLAIN RATING: 5 TURDS
Zimbabwe TV: Susan Tsvangirai Killed in Car Crash, Morgan Injured
This piece from the New York Times is the best account out there right now. GOD HELP ZIMBABWE!
Bona Mugabe's House in Hong Kong
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Zoom in and out using the left-hand tools. Courtesy of Google Earth and The Times Online
Villain: Perence Shiri
This gentleman might look like a mentally-retarded, dictator's butt boy with a wide gape. But he is far more sinister, in fact, he is the Anti-Christ. This serial murderer oversaw the execution of 20,000 to 40,000 people in Matebeleland, Zimbabwe. Commonly known as Gukurahundi or the wind that blows away the chaff before the first rains.
He is currently the head of the air force and lives on a stolen farm where someone tried to shoot him recently. Unfortunately they missed his head and got him in the arm. The list of atrocities this man is personally responsible for has been well documented, and would represent at least 20 years in the Hague just to list them all.
This bastard is so evil and guilty they should just execute him and use the money they would save on his trial to compensate some of his victims.
VILLAIN RATING: 5 TURDS
Hero: Jestina Mukoko
Mukoko is a former Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation staffer and now head of human rights organization Zimbabwe Peace Project (ZPP). The mission of ZPP is
"To document breaches of peace and provide peace building through a factual, dynamic and thematic ICP based Human Rights Monitoring system, disseminated to policy makers and stakeholders."
We hadn't really heard much about the Zimbabwe Peace Project, but when Mukoko was abducted from her home by Mugabe's thugs, she was propelled to instant celebrity status amongst the world's diplomatic community.
Right now Ms. Mkoko is facing charges of treason and plotting to overthrow Mugabe. If that were true we'd give her 5 gold stars, because clearly the dying despot needs a bullet in his head. However, me thinks that this is just a tried and tested Mugabe tactic to stop his opponents from doing their jobs by dragging them though courts stuffed with his boot-licking bastard judges. I can't wait till all the justices get thrown behind bars. I think the legal term for what Zimbabwean Judges do for a living is "accessory to the crime".
HERO RATING: 3 GOLD STARS
Hero: Jenni Williams
In the year 2000, a fanciful "Guatemalan prophecy" circulated among some church groups in Zimbabwe. It predicted that Zimbabwe would be broken by hard times ahead, but that one day it would be rebuilt to become the "Switzerland of Africa". The tale spoke in particular of the role of the women of Zimbabwe liberating the country.
I may not be one for fanciful prophecies, but if any person could be identified as an effective woman leader, it is Jenni Williams, the director of Women of Zimbabwe Arise . She has been arrested more than her fair share and is currently in jail for trying to deliver a petition to the Zambian Embassy requesting stronger SADC intervention in a country bereft by post-election violence.
To ZanuPF - BACK OFF, arresting the messenger doesn't change the message. History will record for the shame and humiliation of you own children and grandchildren how your abhorrent excess led to the rape of this country and brutalization of its women. Think about it.
HERO RATING: 4 GOLD STARS
Villain: Martin Chedondo
When you join the army or the police force in Zimbabwe, you pledge to serve the country and protect its citizens. And by all British colonial sensibilities, a gentlemen possesses nothing more powerful than his word. The commander of the Army Martin Chedondo just announced that he refuses to protect any citizens except for Mugabe, and branded peaceful MDC supporters as the militant destabilizing force in the country. Houston, we have a serious problem.
Chedondo took this stance a step further and just ordered his troops to vote for a president that has caused total collapse of the country. This is not just wrong "in a breaking of a gentlemen's promise sort of way", it is criminal. Hopefully the army employees have children, brothers and sisters that havn't died of AIDS, starvation, or been forced to emmigrate. I remain hopeful that our soldiers want to live in a country that is more than a dust bowl of bullet casings, rapid dictators and Thabo Mbeki's shit. Any soldier with half a brain, or a heart will therefore vote against their commanders orders.
Dog-headed wankers like Martin Chedondo have undermined their own credibility even more than Saddam Hussain's Comical Ali information minister. While all these developments point to a dinosaur regime on a one-way ticket to hell, that still doesn't mean that we should write Martin Chedondo off just yet - a dying dog can still bite.
VILLAIN RATING: FOUR TURDS
Villain: Augustine Chihuri
OK, so this ugly fucker just told his boys that they could kill any MDC supporters and not face any consequences. That was also clearly the defacto policy that Chihuri, Zimbabwe's Chief of Police, has personally enforced for white farmers,their employees and MDC members since the year 2000. To date, no-one has been prosecuted for any of these appalling murder cases.
However, Mr. Chihuri clearly didn't get the memo that he is soon to be out of a job... Furthermore, when Tsvangirai is president, Chihuri will be more than out of a job, he'll be the one getting raped by babba in Chikarubi Prison.
Look Augy, if you are reading this, you'd better just save your precious dollars and go buy lots of vaseline. I'm sure that babba will want to give you extra-special treatment when you get to Chikarubi!
VILLAIN RATING: FOUR TURDS
